I went to a marvellous party
It really wasn’t so great,
For people from parliament
Came by in their garments
From the family tailors
I hate –
Ghastly golds and silvers and bows
With black coats covered in snow
And hats made from tropical birds,
But haven’t you heard?
Lord Arnold came in already drunk on gin
With a girl on his arm from some family farm
That he’d found in the local Inn;
And the state he was in my God I cried
I looked him up and down
Gave him a frown
‘You’re divine it’s true,’ I lied.
But it was a marvellous party,
For Beryl from the herald
Came by with a pen in her hair
And lipstick all smeared on her face;
Oh what a state! She’s seen Tenerife
In the spring, she’s seen India in the fall
But London at midnight
Was the single sight that
She loved that most of all –
I believed her barmy, totally mad
I chalked it up to the wine and the
Many pills that I’d had!
And the line that escaped me
That set the beast free
‘You’re an amalgamation,
A collected mass of some
Ghastly creature from the sea!
What with the colours from France
And the scandals from Rome
It’s a wonder you had the dignity
To walk out of your home!’
And thus the blood was boiling
Several centigrades high;
Such an explosion or exquisite implosion
Would surely make the night.
It was marvellous though
Can’t remember nought
But I think that it went down
Better than I thought,
For I found my shoes on the roof
And Alfred asleep at my door
And several pictures
Predicting the ruin
Of some men from the House of Lords.
It’s clear from sparse recollection
That I was the belle of the ball!
And I couldn’t have liked it more.