There was a young knight who was vein
His outfit was never the same
He got his armour
From Dolce & Gabbana
And it would always rust in the rain
The parrot women with their pails
In the middle ages all have ale
To waste away the Friday after next,
The voted in the ex-president
Of somewhere without precedent
Cus he was the only one to read the text.
The rebel man with his masonry
Did something out at sea
That no priest in any case would dare to do,
But it was Roman in religion
And English in tradition
Trying to find the drug to get over you
Na-na-na’s come from the radio
Like Spain or Mexico
With the water wobbling like the pigs
In the restaurant with the concert
Concertina player happy with his dollar
Night life, fireflies, somewhere in Greece
Ruined by my being overly obese,
The horn player compliments my choice in dress
But like an envious romance
We argue when we dance
And then find ourselves in needless distress.
I’m cautiously optimistic, hyper realistic
Happy with the walking stick
To travel over mountain and monument alike,
But I know how it feels
When you’re in heels
And you get out on the third strike.
EXT: outside on a pleasant street in London. The sky is a healthy summer blue and there is very little noise. All is well and warm in the middle of August. One issue is the piano rapidly falling to earth, which will unfortunately land on two police officers dressed in blue sharing their final conversation. Pray for OFFICER KAY and OFFICER YEW.
Officer kay: Well what a day to be destroyed, hey old chap?
Officer Yew: Aye, I’m glad I had the last slice of my old lady’s pie this morning
Officer Kay: Oh doesn’t she make a stunning pie
Officer Yew: Yes I would say it’s exceptional
Officer Kay: I’ve always loved your wife
Officer Yew: Is that so?
Officer Kay: Yes. Her breasts are perfect
Officer Yew: (Nervously) Well she is certainly a looker
Officer Kay: I wish I’d taken her to Long Island for a long weekend, I’m sure every new day would burn just for us
Officer Yew: I hate your wife.
The piano continues to fall. Estimated time of arrival: 6 seconds
Officer Yew: I wish this damn piano would hurry up, I’m expecting a child in an hour
Officer Kay: Boy or girl?
Officer Yew: It is definitely a boy or a girl yes
Officer Kay: Oh marvellous. I never had a child myself, can’t stand them
Officer Yew: They are a bit of a handful sir
Officer Kay looks at his watch
Officer Kay: Ah, should be any second now
Officer Yew: I hope I get to finish my coffee
Both officers laugh fucking hysterically, almost choking due to lack of oxygen
Officer Kay: But never mind all this dilly dallying
Officer Yew: Yes I believe we should be dead soon
Officer Kay: What is your fat sister up to now?
Officer Yew: She’s a prostitute sir
Officer Kay: I knew she would go far
The piano finally falls on their soft, explosive bodies. They burst like magnificent oranges. The piano plays a dissonant note that the passers-by all tap their toes too. Coffee spills out into the road.
I just want to go to a far out swimming pool,
With a bar and palm trees and humidity,
And practice my act on the large fathers (aged 40)
And the indifferent bar man until I get bored
And swim away.
I sailed with Odysseus
I out-sang the siren
I lead blind Homer
To the asylum.
I crowned the emperor
I gave Virgil a line
I taught Apollo
How to keep time.
I decked Zeus
Hercules fell to his knees
I broke poor Jason
When I stole the golden-fleece.
Medusa lost her head
When I came to Rome
I used her disappointment
To turn a Minotaur to stone.
I won the war of Troy
In a matter of weeks
I took on Paris
Then I took on the Greeks.
I was around a while
All the legends are mine
Many heroes fell
But I had a pretty good time.
I’d take you where the sun hangs high
Where the sea birds shelter in the shade;
I’d steal you from the winter
Where the day only fades.
I’d give you promises I couldn’t keep
And every smile is as hollow as a jewel,
I’d let you play the master
If you’d let me play your fool.
I’d dance with you till the pale dawn
And tell you about our future
I’ve drawn the map, found the route
And I’ll be there with you.
And I’d let you stand with the stars
Leaving me on the shore;
I’d give you the chains
That don’t bind me anymore.
And I’d cry your tears in the morning
When I think that you’re not there;
It’s not that I want your sorrow
It’s to let you know that I care.
I’d fit my busy schedule around you.
I’d miss out mini golf
If you were feeling blue,
And we’d get drinks
Before we went to the zoo.
And I wouldn’t care if I got fired.
I am here in the age of the last legends,
Who’s fires burned to turn the world
And now to silence fades. One more light is
Gone, a power to stir the souls of those
Trying to find their place and I lived to see her
Honoured for her triumph. She had the power
To hold high the spirit of a nation.
I need to run, and scream,
Howl out in the grey morning
Like a cat walking along the roof
Wet with last night’s shroud of rain.
I’d talk in puzzles and optimisms,
Listen to the advice of those younger than me –
Act without following the script.
I’d be so archaic as to take the train,
And roar through the night on the way
To another place, another country,
And then finally live the life I’ve written before.
Ever get those moments where you think you’re gonna break
And what you’ve been planning falls dead on the deck
With an albatross around its neck, and you’re struggling
To find shore? Long questions and short answers
When everybody wants to know what’s coming next –
Well what do you expect? I could answer with adventure,
A flightless bird whose certainty leads to doubt
And even then I’m not so sure. I want to laugh
And collect in my arms what makes me feel alive
But I forget all that when I’m lost, and joy
Slips by. I don’t know. I just graduated.